FEAR? I DON’T KNOW HER.
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Is fear the hairline to your inner Lebron James? Does it stop you from being great? Do you sometimes hear a negative voice inside of your head telling you you’re not good enough? One psychologist wants you to take control of that voice with a system of positive thinking that leads to power. 

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with Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

Read a Full Transcript of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, the Episode, Below

THE FOLLOWING WAS TRANSCRIBED BY A VERY NOT SMART ROBOT (Sorry for all the typos!)

Inertia, passiveness and fear stop many from finding happiness, achieving their goals and fulfilling their purpose in life. One psychologist is hoping to change that with her message of power and personal responsibility. Her name is Susan Jeffers. The book is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. And you’re listening to it. Society less scared, less.

And.

Hi, readers, this is Carrie and this is Alexis listening to this society, a show about books and drama. How are you doing, Anthony?

I’m doing well. Yeah, good. Shall I tell you about things that I’ve done? Please tell me.

So I got to tell you, I like ping pong and there’s a ping pong board at our house. That’s what I expected you to say. Uh huh. So listen. They had a competition on Friday at a tournament and it was a major a ping pong tournament. Yeah, ping pong with lawyers.

Or whoever were guilty, whoever wanted to do this wasn’t I. Wow, this sounds like so much fun. I love ping pong. Let me assure you that I got to get into a rousing game with one of the new people.

Not this. I don’t play ping pong on the table. I just kind of hit it back and forth with this guy and that helps me. But this time I got to play with somebody that was really hitting it.

Good. Yeah, they’re probably going, what’s so exciting? I always have a good volley. OK, this one was energetic, making me work when I was making him work. OK, fabulous. And I got to say, well, I did not think I’m competitive.

Oh way. I will tell you, you are not competitive. I’m seeing you in action, not being competitive. Thank you. So I was satisfied that. Yeah, but some people think that I am competitive.

I can assure you they think that. But I don’t think I, I just like to have fun. I don’t mind losing. I just like to have fun. And I got to tell you, it made my Friday. How did these people get so good at ping pong? Oh, so the guy that I was playing with, he was like I played in a tournament not too long ago. It’s a thing now, like they’re ping pong places, bars throughout Chicago. Yeah. And I love why haven’t I only been the one there’s one I like near your job.

Yeah. Yeah. I can’t wait to go there now that I’m in. I feel like I took you there once, but we only drank. We went to a one. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway that’s ok. I can wait but how great. It was good. I didn’t do anything that exciting. My mom’s gone. She flew back home and I’ve been, you know, trying to get my health back on track, eating vegetables. You never brought me any carrots.

You gave me some sweet pickles in a jar which I did eat. Thank you.

And carrots. You didn’t give me carrot. I put carrots in the bag with the with the pickles. Yeah. Oh, OK. I’ll make some carrots to buy them then. I love reracking carrot Sutent.

Wow. So yeah that’s been my week. Just eating vegetables and trying to undo all the damage my mom has done with her excellent home cooking.

Trying to clean for my side. Don’t no you don’t eat meat. Oh she was so silly. She cleaned for us while she was here. Like I was like I paid, I went to the we got a wash our own dishes now and like Obama is back to normal. Yeah. But anyway, this book that we’re featuring this week is all about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. And we’re going to bypass our theme of the week because this book is the theme of the week, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. What does that mean and how can we do it before we proceed, Alexis, can you tell us a little something about Susan Jeffers? I’m Ringo Starr.

And I’m Susan. She got married at eighteen, right? She had a son and a daughter, but couldn’t settle down as a suburban housewife, OK?

And she started being increasingly and happy and bad tempered. She told interviewers that what she was missing was a life. Well, she got married at eighteen and had kids. Yeah, I guess so. Breaking from pre feminist conventions. She went to university, took up the degree and a doctorate in psychology, and then felt the fear, quote, of progressing in her career something and then left her husband of sixteen years as her career was taken off.

She divorced, took the children.

But six months later, while she was away at summer camp, she caught her ex husband and said, You know, and I think I’m leaving the house today. And everything in it is yours, including the children.

Sorry to this man who told this story. She told the story. She gave up Phil Jones.

These are quotes behind me thought, yes, I am. Her divorce has been said to be one of the most empowering experiences of our life because it pushed through the pain and found our own independence because she pushed the pain and found her independence out of this birth.

The book Feel the Fear. I’m sorry. Why did she leave the kids?

I think everybody was holding her back. OK? She doesn’t explain it, but I got a little more. I got a look, please. So I need an explanation.

There’s no explanation for that, honestly. So anyway, she she decides she’s going to write this book, and she had trouble finding a publisher. She got a rejection letter that said Lady Di could be bicycling new down the street, giving this book away and nobody would read it. I heard that.

I thought that was a little extreme. Like that is extreme.

That is extreme. I mean, but her first book was published in eighty seven. That is filled with fear and it’s sold 15 million copies. And one hundred countries, including one million in the U.K., is hailed as a classic feminist literature and a call.

This is feminist, this book.

So I really think perhaps that title is placed on this book because the author is a woman. If a man had written this book, it would not be a feminist, you know.

Entirely. Entirely, no.

And it’s considered a call to arms for women not to be held down by tradition, paralyzed by that tradition of not. But get a life. Get a career outside of the home. Outside of the home. Yeah. She actually has written 17 other books. Self-Help related. Mm hmm. So that’s my thoughts on her. Thank you.

I’m still hung up on leaving your kids and calling your husband like, hey, I think everything in the house is yours, including the kid, because initially she took the kids and left and she was like, well, I’m going to go. I want to do that anymore.

OK, well, she had told me that before I read this book. Well, can you give us a synopsis of the book?

Sure. I’m going to make it really brief. What stops you from progressing? What fears do you hold, Susan Chambers, to answer and invite you to take a deep dove into the dynamic techniques for overcoming your fears and living a life where you can say, I can handle anything? Thanks. We’re going to take a break now.

So let’s take a deep dove into this self-help book by Susan Jeffers, feel the fear and do it anyway. Can you tell us about it, OK?

Sure, sure, sure. I like self-help books. I just want to start by saying that I usually pick ones that focus on goals and personal achievement. What that achieving your goals, but this one fears. Let’s focus on it and I’ll take it from the top because she starts with. The fact that there are three levels of fears, the first level is broken up into two types, though, fears that happen and those that require sorry, my cat sneeze, does that require action? Fears that happen are things like aging, becoming disabled, children leaving home. Those requiring action are making decisions, changing a career, losing weight and ending a relationship. So the next level of fear is relating to your inner state of mind. So how you respond to the fear and so that involves your ego. Mm hmm. Rejection.

So if I’m responding to aging, I may reject that and act out in some way. Right. If my concern is losing weight, then I may be afraid of the success of what that looks like, how my life would change this room being vulnerable and then helplessness.

The next level of fears is really a description, and it says at the bottom of every one of our fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring. So you have to decide that whatever happens to you, given any situation, you can handle it. Yeah, and so I like that part. I do, too. So then she identified five truths about fear. One, that fear will never go away, too. The only way to get rid of fear is to go out and do it. Three. The only way to get feel better about yourself is to go out and do it.

So what you think about really redundance. So the first one is that we’ll always face fears basically. Right. And the second is to get rid of those individual fears. We must act despite them as they come at us.

And then what’s number three is a similar, OK. And in order to feel better about yourself, you’re going to have to go out and do it. OK, OK. And as you build up this bank of fears you’ve overcome, you’ll feel better about yourself. Overall, your accomplishments make you feel that makes sense. And then everyone experiences fear in unfamiliar territory and pushing through fear is better than feeling helpless. So if everyone feels fear when approaching something new in life, still so many people, um.

And still so many people.

Our out here women are out there and there’s no problem, you have a problem with it or no, despite fear, everyone feels fear, but still there are successful people in the world. So how’s it happening? It’s because it relates to how we hold fear and some people hold it as a paralysis and some people use it to it’s irrelevant and they push past it and do whatever or they use it as motivation. So some hold fear from a position of power. That’s choice, energy action. Those are the people that use it as to motivate them to success. Right. OK, and then some people or from a position of pain or they’re helpless. They’re depressed, they’re paralyzed with fear. OK, and when we’re talking about this, we’re not talking about phobias. I hope that should help a lot. Although one of her anecdotes does involve someone with phobias. But overall, that’s a real discussion is not the intent. OK, so and we’ve talked about power previously and how it can have negative connotations or we know that people abuse power because power implies control over others. And again, it’s misused. But she’s referring to a power that’s within self. And so over our perceptions of the world, the power of our reactions, our personal growth, how we create joy, power, power, power and our satisfaction with life. It has nothing to do with anybody else but ourselves.

This is not a book that’s trying to show us how to exercise power or control of others. It’s all about taking responsibility for yourself.

Absolutely. She reiterates that in the book. I think in many of her chapters where she talks about taking responsibility. I feel like I do that in a lot of things. So I think, um, she makes a special note to women as she talks about it, because they have a conflict with femininity and power. Some women. Some women do. Yes. And then she suggests an antidote for that. And that is repeating twenty five times in the morning, noon and night the following.

OK, so as we review this book, we’re going to play the notes we made as we applied Susan’s advice throughout the week. And I’m going to start with powerfulness.

So according to Susan, this means power over my perceptions of the world, power over how I react to situations in my life, power to do what is necessary for my own self growth, power to create joy and satisfaction in my life, power to act and power to love. She’s told me that as a woman, if I have any inner conflict between power and femininity, then I should repeat twenty five times a day. These three sentences. One, I am powerful and I am loved to. I am powerful and I am loving. Three, I am powerful and I love it. I am doing this. First of all, I don’t have an inner conflict between femininity and power. I think femininity can be very powerful. So this part doesn’t apply. But then also I am someone who believes my strength comes from my God. So I’m weak, but I’m not vulnerable or stupid or inferior and I accept my weakness without denying my worth. Well, I mean, you know, this is a self-help book, so she can’t talk about God. But yeah, I don’t think we just have to rely on ourselves for our power. So that’s that.

I am powerful and I am loved. I am powerful and I am loving. I am powerful and I love it. I am powerful and I am loved.

I am powerful. So less than I did it. Right, right.

I did it. And it’s not because I feel like I have a problem with them. And because you’re a team player. I just wanted this was the first like activity activity and I wanted to do it, so I did it. So that make you feel powerful?

I can’t say that I felt powerful after it, but it was also the first time. So how long did it take you? It’s like like a whole five minutes. Yeah.

And so I use that as a guide because it was hard to come out and say it at the same time. Yes, it’s really. Yeah. How do you know you’re doing it Ton. You need a little clicker. Yeah. So I was say I would say it and then click. Yeah.

I think when I thought I did five were like five anyway.

Anyway that diminish my work. OK, so she describes pain to power as a continuum, so she suggests making a chart and identifying where you fall on the chart. So I made one.

Mm hmm. So here is my chart and I feel like I don’t have a problem with pain. I feel like that. But now I am very proud of it.

Each each issue that you face in life. She believes you started on that left side, on the pain side, and gradually you moved to that power side, so it’s not about where you are in life. You feel, though. Yeah, because it’s a daily thing. Yeah. Yeah. So you feel you’re saying, though, with the projects you have in front of you now, you’re on that power side.

Yeah. I don’t really start at the place of pain and personal goals to the power side. Yeah. You start on the power side. Yeah. I started to close in there some struggle, but I’m really trying to get to that other power. And so I’m just one notch away and I’m just I need help getting over that punch. Yeah. All right.

So another thing that she said is avoiding words such as, I can’t, I should. I love this. It’s a problem. Life’s a struggle. Instead, say things like, I won’t. I could. It’s an opportunity. Life’s an adventure. And then each night before you go to bed playing your risk for the next day. And when she talks about risks, she’s not talking about physically dangerous acts or infringing on the rights of others.

Right.

Maybe you are afraid of that big presentation that you have due tomorrow or you have chosen to run instead of four miles, five miles and you don’t know if you can do it. Picture yourself accomplishing those goals the night before.

So she says plan it out for the next day, close your eyes, practice doing it.

And as you go through it, be aware that where you can find yourself hesitating and then you can start to kind of make plans around that for future risk and then push through hesitation when you can and recognize that moment when you do, the goal is to expand your comfort zone.

One thing I want to repeat that she says in this chapter is no one is more unloving than a person who can’t own his or her own power. I thought that was an excellent statement. We’ve seen it played out in life where people try to get out of you what they should be giving themselves. Right. This validation, so such people spend their lives trying to pull it out of everyone else.

Yes. What did you think about her comment where she said your subconscious believes only what it hears, not what is true?

She put a lot of weight into what we hear, even if it comes out of our own mouths. Now there’s a scripture about reading in an undertone, and that really means that we have to say some things out loud for it to penetrate our hearts. So I can’t deny the value of of listening. I mean, I know you hate audio books, but listen, apparently what we hear affects us profoundly. I do. Even if we hear out of our own mouths and I mean, I, I it’s like something that I want to say is tomfoolery, barring a statement from your mom.

But I can’t because it’s fact is fact. Right. What we hear affects us greatly.

Absolutely. Absolutely. OK, so this next chapter, I really didn’t dabble in it. And not that I’m really going chapter by chapter, but at the beginning, her chapter, she had these little quotes on them and they’re really cool. Like Chapter four was whether you want it or not, it’s yours and you’re in control. You’re in control. So did you have any thoughts on that? Oh, boy, did I.

OK, so I’m in Chapter four, whether you want it or not, it’s yours and I am loving it. So a few of the points she makes are to take responsibility means never blaming anyone else for anything. I am being doing, having or feeling. It means not blaming even myself to a degree, not being overly critical of myself for poor choices or results, instead learning from them and taking control. It also means being aware of where and when I am not taking responsibility so that I can change. And then taking responsibility means silencing that voice in my head. That’s negative. So the focus of this chapter is taking responsibility. And I love that because I don’t want to be a victim. I want to make sure I am taking responsibility for the choices I make and the results of those choices.

My favorite chapter was the Pollyanna chapter and it was about positivity and, you know, so she gave six steps to be more positive and it starts with her daily routine. So here’s the routine. She gave a beginners intensive for positive thinking and she said, when you wake up, turn on your audio machine.

What you what is the audio machine? I feel very strongly that this is a period piece up here because so many of the things she references takes you back to the 80s.

And I mean, anyway, so she says, turn on your audio machine and press play.

So because you picked out some affirmation or some reflection recording from somewhere, OK? And she says, play that lie there, close your eyes and let the powerful and loving thoughts thinking, OK, get out, get out of bed.

Pay attention to the positive quotes you’ve surrounded yourself with, unlike sticky notes or something you’ve put everywhere or what it is that came OK. So you’ve written positive statements and stuck them to your bedroom mirror or your television, your bathroom medicine cabinet.

Yeah, I did all of that.

This is actually something I hear often a pretty widely accepted strategy for positive thinking about it as you get out of bed, play some music or excuse me, as you dress, play some music that makes your heart sing. As you dress, repeat your affirmations you’ve chosen for the day, she says, no TV, no news, no radio.

So I thought she took it a little far now. I mean, I do. I mean, do you watch the news? I watch the news every morning, every single morning at 7:00. At some point, I make sure that I turn the TV on at exactly seven o’clock so that I can hear the 90 minute round the walk where there’s oh, you don’t know w words were rolled back.

So I can hear that 90 minute clip. And so, yeah, that was really.

But don’t you find the news to be very negative, sensationalized. I feel like I’m unuseful. I feel like I’m not current if I don’t listen. But you can always read the news now. Susan says don’t even read the paper. But I do feel like she went too far in that. You do have to know what’s going on in the world and where mankind is, you know, headed, but you don’t have to watch it. The news is violent. It’s graphic and it’s depressing. That’s how they make their money. You can read it and like the skim the newsletter I know you and I both subscribe to, it gives you world news on one page in your email box every day.

I love that I take five minutes to read it and I buy my business.

Well, I’ll try to do that because as I went the week, I did not watch the news. I did some type of way about it. You felt better or I could feel better.

I missed the news. Okay, let me set up.

Go ahead and watch your news. And she said bad if you exercise, say, some exercise affirmations. So I did that. Oh, OK. Cool.

I can feel the energy coursing through my by the way, starting out right now. Yes. I am creating a beautiful day. Begin to tell you I can feel the energy.

OK, so this is you doing your exercises in the morning and repeating your positive and I repeat them and I do know the energy but I did say it. You didn’t feel like it was improving your mood now? I was tired.

It was you know, I’m going to say this. This was exhausting. Yeah, it was really exhausting.

I woke up, I listen to this clip on YouTube that I found for like eleven minutes and I laid there and it was making me tired and I went back to sleep and then I would get up. Oh, yeah.

I’m not waking early to hear somebody say something positive to me. Oh, that sounds crazy. And I would rather dream about it.

I was supposed to begin my day early and, you know, just kind of get started.

But I was so exhausted after that I had to take a nap before I could express too much positivity. I I’m exhausted. It was the worst.

But anyway, I played some original songs in the morning, some positive. I did that.

And that really I have to say, music touches me in a way nothing else does. And I felt like that helped me carry positivity with me all day long.

I would say that that is the best part of it, that that alone is the best part of it.

So she also says, listen to affirmations as you go to work, look for positive messages that you’ve play. So you would have made some sticky notes. And I did that. And she said, pick an affirmation and write it in your diary, give yourself a fix throughout the day. And my fix is repeating the twenty five power of femininity. I’m quote, I’m powerful.

And so that’s how long does that take you to do it? Take the whole five minutes. Oh my goodness girl. I did it. But it was trouble. I can do it in the middle of the day. It was. I keep forgetting about it but I try people who don’t think women can be powerful. You’re not that person that you were doing it because Susan said do it and you’re trying it out. OK, well, I think it was part of my positivity thing. Positivity, positivity. Yeah.

And then she said before you go to bed, put on a relaxed relaxation tape, you know, Spotify makes great playlists for relaxation.

They have an ambiance, one a sleep time when you don’t like that. I think, though, have you tried calm the sleeping app or the relaxation of meditation, how YouTube has all of these packages just hit that?

I am not really what I am, but you could get like different types of thunderstorms.

I can get you to think it’s a real thing. OK, OK, so I did that for several days and so let we just let you get some of my reflections from the first day.

So we’re at the end of my first day, I started the day with the morning affirmations. I woke up and immediately turned on my morning affirmations and listened to those and then I. As I got up and went to the bathroom, I read all the affirmations on my TV, our positive expressions, and then I went to the bathroom and I had some more positive expressions. And then I played some uplifting music this morning. And it I felt like it was I had an air of positivity upon me today and I thought about being positive. It was like constantly on my mind, even my day. I’m usually consumed with work. But I was I reflections of positivity came to me. And so when I had a car today and I feel like normally I would have an air of irritation, I didn’t had that air irritation. I instead had an air of positivity. So that day one and we’ll see with the next few days brings.

So you had some positive affirmations in the bathroom.

Is that code? No, it’s not cool. I actually had some sticky notes on the clarification.

OK, well, I also was trying to be positive and it looks like this.

OK, so in the Pollyanna chapter, Susan emphasizes how many negative thinking as authentic and real and being positive or quote unquote or really positive is seen as an authentic. So in a work environment, I made an effort to change a negative conversation into a positive one. And it was rebuffed because first of all, I just came out and was like, hey, you guys, let’s stop being negative and start being positive. That’s not how you do it. And second of all, someone told me to Susan’s point, we’re not being negative. We’re just being real. So it’s easy to think that negativity is equated with authenticity. It is not. So my goal now is to be positive, but not to rebuke someone for being negative, instead acknowledge their feelings. And authentically are naturally steer negative conversations into positive ones. We’ll see how it goes.

So I was dismissing the feelings of others and I don’t want people to dismiss how I feel about things, right? No, everyone wants their feelings validated because all of our feelings are valid. So what I’m going to do on a continuous basis is still try to be positive and be an agent for positivity, gang unification, wherever I am, but acknowledge people’s feelings and organically divert the conversation to one that is positive.

But don’t be like, hey ya, shut up. Let’s be positive. Why do you want to hear that? No, but you just look like a jerk. So, yeah, that’s good.

Um, I’m glad you had that experience and enjoyed that activity section. And so. Yeah. So as the first day ended, again, I felt positive. The next day I did the same thing.

But went a little different.

So just a little check in, I’m at work, I’m wrapping up the day and I maybe because I didn’t say my afternoon positivity, but I know the positivity thing is working for me. I think I might quit already. OK, bye.

So that was that was day too. Yeah. It just didn’t feel the same. I did my morning stuff, everything.

I didn’t do the midday one I said, but still I was left feeling like I’m ready to hurt somebody and say maybe repeating these affirmations and it’s just making you angry. Serenity now.

Yeah. I don’t explo. It was rough, it was rough, but I still I didn’t I give up even though I said I was I pushed forward to try to make the next day better.

So OK, so you did the same process and she mentions that, she said it’s not going to work for you every day. Don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep trying.

Yeah. So on my final day, I did the affirmations.

I started the day out with everything. I read my sticky notes, breathe in, breathe out. There’s going to be a beautiful day. And I get to say, that was like the best day ever. Oh, cool. I was participating in my volunteer work and I just felt like so accomplished that day and just everything about it, my experiences that day or just really positive. So I really just to clarify, why do you think that day went so well for you? Because I had a week’s worth of positive aspirations under my belt.

OK, because you’ve been repeating to yourself and hearing your own self say these positive statements, you think you ended the week on a positive note? I think so. But you also are taking action. You said you were volunteering, so you made sure to do something that mattered to you. Yep. And you put that first? Yeah, I did. So, I mean, like, did you really need the affirmation? I think you still do. OK.

OK. Still important. Even when you’re volunteering, you still need to go in with a positive attitude and your outlook about things needs to be bright. And so I had a cheerful because you can be doing an action that’s positive with a bad attitude. Absolutely right. So you absolutely need some extra to boost.

And I felt like this help. So. Again, I took the positivity part the most out of this book, but I loved it and I won’t keep the whole thing like the power of women, anything or femininity.

Yet you and I won’t be doing it now where they don’t feel like women are powerful now and it takes too long.

I was rolling my eyes by the time I said it. I am so what I’ve read. Exactly. So I was like, well, why did I go? And so yeah. So I’m over that.

But anyway, I did find some gems in here and I just, you know, I will definitely keep that. Did you have any thoughts about it.

Yeah.

So I do feel like with Susan Jeffers help and more importantly, with my commitment to this book and to you and to this day, I guess I tried to hop all in and or dove all in on this and I started running again.

OK, so I am taking responsibility for my health. I’ve been really tired lately and, um, you know, not making sure I eat right and exercise regularly. I was about to run out of time today. It’s Saturday, but I am running at night and enjoying it. So I’m going to get four miles on today and four miles and tomorrow. Yay me.

OK, so I just got home from running three point eight, nine miles and I feel powerful to use the word that Susan uses. Pretty often I feel invigorated. I’m going to run a bath, make a cocktail study, read and go to bed. And I feel like I deserve to. It’s a good feeling. Yeah. Thanks, Susan.

I felt like I was more conscious of my need to take responsibility for who I am, and that’s always good.

Yeah, I did good and I like that. I’m glad you took that piece of it. There were just a few more things that she mentioned and she talked about the whole life grid or so I liked that point.

Right. The idea that some people make one thing their whole life when it should be one thing that might involve someone else. So if that person decides no longer to be participating in whether it’s kids move out of their home or couples break up, what do you have after that relationship is over? Nothing. And her visual of it was just great. You got a relationship in a box and then when that relationship is gone, that back to something, you have nothing and people really live their lives, that for sure. So I really thought that was helpful. And then she had a part about giving thanks. So she said, make a list that I want to go back, because the remedy to a life that only has one thing is it?

And it is to fill it with other things that are not contingent on others. Right. So whether it be a project you’re passionate about or a way to devote more time to others, giving to others, use the use every moment of your life so it’s full and don’t just make it about one person or one thing.

And then if that relationship ends or your children move out, you still have a very full life.

Right? It’s just one piece that can easily be filled in with something else. She has to put into a box of nine square. Right. And so it looks very different than an empty box because there’s no relationship. So I really like that. And then the other piece that I like was the idea of giving thanks. Making a list of people presently in your life and significant ones from your past and then lists each one of them and how they’ve contribute to your life in a special way. And why did you did even if there was pain or you dislike them intensely, list their contributions to your life, and in the end, you can you can visualize a conversation with them and kind of move past that or you can send them a letter. I have a phone call with them.

And in her case, she called her ex-husband who had lunch with them and told them we didn’t work out. But these are the ways that you made me happy in my life. And I thank you for that. Yeah. So you really reiterated the point to say thank you to people. And I made a list of people I admire. And these are not people that I’ve made an effort to be around, not all of them. So I’m going to make more of an effort to fill my life with the people who are reaching the goals I want to reach or whose presence in my life is positive.

She did talk about briefly negative people or the how people see you doing and letting them go.

And I don’t necessarily agree with that. I think all of our relationships, in all of our relationships, one person needs the relationship more than the other.

And I can go back and forth like in a marriage. There are times when I’m.

My husband, more than he needs me immediately and vice versa in a friendship sometimes.

I mean, you never want to let someone else bring you down, right, or divert you from fulfilling your purpose in life, but some people need you more than you need them. I do not think you turn your back on those people. You monitor your interactions with them so as to not depress yourself.

Exactly. But you got to be there for people. That’s not fair.

You can’t just leave your kids and tell your husband that they they your kids now. You can’t do that. It’s not right for them. So that was.

Yeah, that was very interesting. Insightful. So I think we should take a break. OK. Yeah, great.

A couple other points that Susan expounded on in her book to fully round out this deal, the fear thing, but I didn’t feel like they apply to me.

I didn’t feel like I needed to use them, so I just let them go. So I just focused on the positivity because that was stand out to me. Now, what are your final thoughts on the book and would you recommend it?

So I went back and forth with this question, would I recommend this book?

Because there were points she made, especially about taking responsibility. And I don’t think anything she said was groundbreaking. But seeing it on paper and repeating it to myself out loud, I do think did good. For example, I know I should run regularly because that’s something I don’t want my body to lose the ability to do, but I don’t mean I’m going to do it and I’m not a negative person, so I don’t have a chatterbox in my head like you won’t be able to. I have another back to my head going, girl, just relax. You deserve it. What I need is a lot of work that helps me to be more positive. I need it something that tells me to stop being so positive and be more inclusive. I think that’s where I fall.

And that’s what the focus is about, getting over fears. I’m extremely fearful person. I don’t have very many fears and I think I could benefit from a couple.

OK, so Jefferis emphasizes at the end this listening to the direction of our higher selves and she really preaches this gospel of the higher self, being a spiritual part of each individual that appeals to a higher conscience she feels we all possess. And this higher self is the authority by which all of her advice is justified. So that’s a problem to me, because that to me sounds like listening to where your heart leads you and the hardest treacherous. It can be dangerous. So that that last chapter, those last two chapters, really. I felt to me like bad advice. So for that reason and because her advice kind of is contingent on that, that’s a huge caveat to me, this listen to your higher self. And so for that reason, I would not recommend the book. Also, like I said, these thoughts are not groundbreaking to me. The idea that you feel the fear and do it anyway. We know that courage is action in the face of fear. That whole sentence is this book. You could say I could tell someone, hey, you know, act despite fear to reach your goals and to don’t let negative thinking distract you from your goals.

And that’s the book, because I feel like I save you about 300 pages. But some ask me, I would say I would not recommend this, but what did you think?

It’s amazing when they we’re going to disagree with. I went back and forth about this, I did I really did not take what maybe because I really like this part and I was like, when? I mean, they can get that in another book, in the smaller book. And it’s just this could have been a pamphlet. Exactly. And I was like. No, I don’t think I would recommend it because there’s so many aspects of the book that I didn’t take. And if you go to a buffet and you only eat the shrimp, this wasn’t a good buffet enough.

I pay too much. Yeah. You know, did you feel sorry for Susan? In some ways, yes. He’s sorry for her.

But then I also went back to this is a pity. She’s talking to a group of the generation generation.

But I don’t think your mom I don’t think my mom felt as helpless as she seemed to know at this time in her life.

I think she’s talking to a certain group of people from a certain period of time. Yeah. And so we don’t know those people. I don’t.

And so we’ve been helpful to them. So I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody.

I know of cases. I agree.

One other point I want to make talking about moms and people that are in your life, especially in your childhood. This book made me really thankful for people that you and I look to as grandparents who showed us love and direction in our youth. They made us feel like no matter what happened and including our parents in this, no matter what happened in our lives, we had a foundation to go back to so we can make mistakes. Susan feels like there are no wrong mistakes.

There are wrong mistakes you guys have. That’s what a mistake is.

It’s a wrong choice, but it is always OK to make a wrong choice when you learn from it and take responsibility, which she does say and I agree with. But there are wrong choices. You know, those do exist. But I was really grateful for the people in our lives who never made us feel helpless, like she wrote this book as someone who felt helpless at a time in her life for other people who felt helpless. And that made me sad. Yeah, that especially was that I was like, what was she going through in this generation of people? Because I really do believe he felt helpless. Don’t I mean, they have nothing to be ashamed about. I don’t want to. Oh, sound like that’s not what we’re doing. Yeah, that’s and that’s not the intention behind saying. Yeah, because I’m sure those people today that can benefit from this. But I mean it’s all 15 million, but we just don’t know them. So I’m not sorry.

OK, so that was this episode of this Society podcast. I must say I enjoyed it. It was a little shorter, but not by that much.

We got a problem having served. I appreciate it. Yes.

We can’t do sorry those guys. Sorry we tried did try. Oh, OK.

So next week we’re reading another book and it is called The Warmth of Other Suns The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson. I think I’m getting that right.

I’m excited about that. I mean, this has been on my list forever. I recommend this book and it’s taking me forever to get to it. I’m happy we’re finally able to get through it.

I know nothing about it, so I look forward to ditto. I should be. Yeah, it’ll be great.

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of the LIT Society Podcast. You can hear LIT Society on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other major podcast providers. I’m busy this Society podcast to sign up for the world’s best free newsletter if you have not already. And until next time, read something. Please read.